I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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