For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
