I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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