I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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