Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
