So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize