i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
