I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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