It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I deserve this hangover.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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