ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
