omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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