At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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