Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just pee around me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
