so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize