If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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