Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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