I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
