I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize