I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it's like iHOP with fire
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
