We won't sleep together?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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