i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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