Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
