can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
