I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize