You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
