It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
