I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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