literally had 100 drinks last night.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
