every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's blow job season.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
