just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
