Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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