so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
