Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
