and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
