Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
