I just made out with a guy for $7.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize