your parents love me but you hate me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize