If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
