Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
