Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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