it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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