Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
