my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
