it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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