she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
