i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Every concussion has its silver lining
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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