I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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