i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
