so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize