I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
