Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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