if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
