You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
