the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
