I need help removing her.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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