Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i drank out of a bidet.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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