Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
