Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
