you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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