would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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