I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
