Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
God, I missed his penis.
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