What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
