Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
