Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
