yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize