Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
