It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
