I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
