Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this just has baby written all over it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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