Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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