There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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