I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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